Friday, January 30, 2015

Dad, Look What You Did To Me

   

Dad
     
      You took me in like I was your flesh and blood
      Kept me as your own a treasure delivered in another state
      Ten days I waited for you, not knowing what you'd be to me
      Not knowing that one day I would:
      Let you be my father
      Let you love me
      Let you take care of me
      Not knowing that one day I would
      Let you put chemicals in my body because I wasn't growing enough
      As if my tiny form wasn't enough of a blessing in the first place
      Having them in my body, complicating the growth that came so slowly
      I trusted you, accepted your decisions despite my doubts
      Then you kept secrets from me
      Wondering where the money went
      Wondering why you wouldn't just tell me
      Someone who looked up to you
      Someone who was raised by you
      Someone who trusted you
      But you had to end it
      You used a bullet, a bullet of hidden secrets
      A bullet that I had to find, had to dust for fingerprints, I had to find out who was responsible
      Because it feels like the bullet that took you away didn't stop there,
      It ricocheted off all the secrets and lies
      And it lodged in my heart
      That shot broke my soul into shimmering, shattered pieces
      Pieces that I tried to piece back together with stitches of love I thought I found
      But how could I replace you
      The one who looked up to
      The one who raised me
      The one I trusted
      When I look up, I still see your face
      When I breathe I still smell the scent of your blood
      I exhale the sadness and despair
      I call your name with my broken, hoarse voice and eyes glistening with tears
      You turn into a blurred ghost of who I remember
      My hands are shaking, weak, and numb from losing you
      But I will never let go
      My heart screams like the day I was born
      I'm not ready the let you go
      There are too many unanswered questions
      Too many things you're going to miss in my life
      There is no rebuilding
      There is no replacing
      There is only healing
      And even that leaves scars




My daddy and me














What my heart still looks like today



   











Does anyone else write poetry? If so, what do you write about?

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